When Doctors Speak, No One Understands
“Life, if you live long enough, will have some pain.” - Valerie Jarrett
I remember getting a text from my mom—her brother was headed to the hospital for abdominal pain and a persistent cough. As a couple, we get messages like this all the time. Someone’s going to see a doctor, and you hear about it through the grapevine.
We all know that feeling when a healthcare worker starts talking and it barely sounds like English. I can’t even imagine what it’s like for someone who isn’t a native speaker. In our families, Donna is the go-to “phone-a-friend” for anything medical.
The information we were getting was scarce and confusing. Through this convoluted game of telephone, we eventually gathered that my uncle would be admitted to the hospital for a day or two while they ran some tests. Which tests? Don’t know.
There aren’t many medically trained people in my family. My aunt really leaned on Donna—so much so that she didn’t even want to talk to the doctors that were treating her husband. At first, I thought it was just my aunt’s fear and anxiety. But in hindsight, it was an incredibly wise decision. Donna gave our family clarity. She translated the medical jargon into stories we could understand, which helped us make decisions quickly and confidently.
I remember Donna speaking with the hospitalist and the oncologist about labs and test results. It was always interesting to see how the doctor’s tone changed the moment Donna told them she was a physician. Suddenly, they’d shift into “doctor mode,” communicating quickly and efficiently—something they wouldn’t do with the rest of us. Then Donna would turn around and put everything into plain English for the family.
The situation wasn’t good. I’ll skip to the punchline: unfortunately, my uncle passed away within the week. He was the second uncle on my mom’s side to die suddenly of cancer or complications related to it. Growing up in Kaneohe, he was my closest uncle.
When he passed, he was 80. My mom is 79.
After everything, we received a heartfelt card from the family thanking Donna for her guidance. There was nothing anyone could’ve done, but her leadership and calm made an unbearable process just a little less so.
I hope this never happens to you. But if it does, I sincerely hope you have someone who can help you navigate the healthcare system. It’s overwhelming and intimidating—frankly, it's become pretty unreasonable to expect people to do it on their own. Donna was an incredible resource for my family, and for that, I’m endlessly grateful.
